Ouch!!!!

Want motivation to get in shape? Go to your local gym and sit down with a personal trainer. I did this yesterday, and I’ll never be the same. A quick interview, a few clicks on the computer, a trip to the scales (insert horrified noise), and a BMI test will provide you with an image you may never forget. An image of what you would look like if you walked around wearing a skintight outfit from the neck down. Nope, not how you look when you’re sucking in or wearing clothing that compliment your shape. This is your worst nightmare, and it’s shockingly accurate.

Next to this harsh reality there’s a picture that shows you what you will look like if you do what they tell you to. In my case, it was like seeing myself before my thyroid pooped out on me. It was the me who could wear all those clothes that hide at the back of my closet, the me who had enough energy to get through the day. And do I want her back? Heck, yes! I’m on the edge of my seat, drinking in the knowledge that this young woman in such great shape possesses! I agree to come in the next day for a complimentary session with her. You can laugh here. You already know it will be funny. And it was.

This morning I showed up for my session at 8:00, water bottle in hand and nerves jumping. The equipment was foreign to me. I had no idea how to use any of it. It all looked like stuff waiting to be assembled. My trainer said to hop on a treadmill to warm up. It was intimidating at first-treadmills these days are not the creatures they used to be! But I had my heart rate up to about 124-130 for about half an hour. Minus the trainer I might have gone home after that. But she had other plans.

An all-over workout means that your whole body will hate you in a little while. I’m not kidding. It felt like my 21-year-old body had sent me a message. “Hey, Rachel. Since you decided to neglect me and turn me into mush, I’ve sent you a little present. Her name is Charla, and she’s going to kill you.”

I don’t remember the names for all the things I did today, but I can feel every single one of them. There were lots of weights involved, though mine looked like Q-Tips compared to the ones the men around me were using. Surprisingly, the weights were easier for me than the parts without weights. Push-ups and lunges are not my friends.

At 9:00 I headed home, pleasantly surprised by all that we had accomplished. I wasn’t actually sure that I should drive, but I had no choice. I felt (and still feel) like I had been healed by the not-so-competent Professor Lockhart—no bones anywhere. Pain isn’t in it. I simply cannot control my muscles. My arm actually went sideways when I tried to lift it, and my legs felt like jelly.

I thought that Noah would be amused by my wobbly walk and wiggly arms, but he has taken on a surprising attitude about the whole thing.

“Don’t do that again, Mom. You scared me half to death,” he told me.

The jury is still out on whether or not I will take his advice. I suspect that tomorrow morning will have a lot to say about it.

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~ by Rachel McMahon on November 12, 2010.

5 Responses to “Ouch!!!!”

  1. You are so brave…and funny.

  2. Brave? Stupid is more like it!

  3. Omg i love it Rachel! I’m busting a gut with laughter. And I’m laughing so hard because I’ve been there. Hehehehe

  4. This was hilarious. Painful, but hilarious. I can empathize. Good luck with the workout routine!

  5. You go girl. Doing something for yourself is always a good thing. (even if you don’t think so at the moment) Besides, in the long run you are actually doing it for the entire family. Hubby gets his “hotty” wife back,(not that you’re not still a hotty) and the kids get a healthier mom that can keep up with them better. AND you will not only get more energy but you will also get calmer emotionally. Weather you hang with this trainer or get another one, don’t give up on the idea.

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